The goat gift

BUTTIN' IN, THE LAMPOON

Nii B. ANDREWS,
Blebo We-Sakumo
Sept 24, 2015.

It is time for me to butt in; I live in goat country.

Since 1972, the Kintampo Goat Breeding Station has tried to improve the weight and genetic profile of the West African Dwarf Goat. It has had mixed success in increasing its average weight from 15-18kg to 25-30 kg.

Current events though may have negative repercussions for Kintampo's efforts and market share.

Buying a goat or presenting a goat as a gift may well now be viewed in a pejorative light; it has lost its cool factor.

In earlier years, goats were presented, not in secret, but with great fanfare.

A grateful lady patient, about a decade ago, brought a goat to a hospital and handed it over to the security officer at the gate. He then promptly tied it to the gate and went in search of the intended recipient; it was also accompanied with.......yams.

Goats are sometimes even presented decked out with pretied satin bow ties! - An emblem of esteem for the intended recipient.

Do not ask me the color, except that I recall that it had a striking goatee.....oops make that beard.

Nope, I have not seen one with a flying tie yet. Perhaps for good reason since the tie may get entangled with the leading rope that is always placed around the goat's neck.

The rope being de rigueur as the goat, well, often needs to be persuaded as to its direction and final destination.

For some reason to date, they have never been presented while wearing an open black gown. Now, that would have been something and unbeknownst to all ( er...most of us), a harbinger of things to come.

The ribbons that were occasionally attached to the frontal horns were often silver or grey if the presentation was for an engagement....and red if it was for a funeral.

The derrière was never really decorated. The bell on the tail, as is sometimes seen in the West, we forgo here.

At one event, an errant Uncle suggested that a pair of shorts will smarten up the goat somewhat. This was promptly shouted down and a few expletives thrown in; things livened up a bit.

Nothing must impede a clear vision of the male goat's "family jewels"- a part of the anatomy that traditionally belongs to the slaughterer and head of family.

It is consumed with lip smacking and finger sucking relish by them.

Now, was anyone wondering whether the goats ever came with any head covering....baseball cap, trilby.....or wig? No comment here simply a presbyterian silence; I will not be goated, or goaded.

Lest we forget; the distinctive smell!

It is always present, a miasma (which the best efforts cannot mask) with the accompanying dark pellet effluvium.

All this in spite of august company and elaborate time consuming ritual.

Make no mistake, it is corruption itself.

In other jurisdictions, thorough planning ensures that for important public holidays the supply of goats far exceeds the demand. Goat herding (by consensus, a few years back; an indelicate turn of phrase in Ghana) serves as an important injection of sorely needed capital into the rural economy.

Needless to say in those places, the citizenry select and enjoy the best goat pedigree. The ritual and the goat gifting all serve as incentive to rural farmers.

Will we fail here too by substituting and promoting a foreign goat brand?

But really is there a silver (goat) lining here for us in Ghana?

Possibly, if we have the gall to sweep the current scandal under the rug as the misguided amongst us would wish.

That is when I butt out.

Nii B. ANDREWS,
Blebo We-Sakumo
Sept 24, 2015.